White County Domestic
Violence, Inc.
News Letter

January/February 1998 - Issue 2

DIRECTOR'S
COMMENTS
by Phyllis Goodin

What about the children

    I explained to an acquaintance of mine that I was updating our organization's training packet to include the effects of domestic violence on children. Knowing she had first hand knowledge of the subject, I asked if she would mind sharing her experience. She hesitated at first saying there was just too much to tell." She later agreed to try and give me a synopsis. Her thoughts follow,

   " I wish I knew what it felt like as a child to go to bed at night unafraid,and to believe-just for a day - that the world was in order and all was well. I wish I knew what it felt like as a child to anticipate a tomorrow filled with 'sugar plums' happiness, and other magical moments.

    I wish I knew what it felt like as a child to have a dad to call upon to banish the monsters of childish dreams, rather than create the monsters of my reality. I wish I could look back to pre-adolescent years and remember one moment that wasn't tainted somewhat by the effects of what we now call domestic violence. It stole away my childhood, and eclipsed what could have been bright and happy days with anxiety, dread, and sadness."

"Were there no good times?" I asked her. "How can there be good times when you know that if not today, tomorrow, your mother will be beaten," she answered.

We call people like her survivors. Survivors indeed, but I feel they are much more than this, they are champions.

Children who experience domestic violence are traumatized in four basic ways:

1. They are intentionally hurt or threatened physically so that the batterer can control the female parent.

2. They are injured unintentionally as they attempt to stop their mother from being harmed

3. They witness or overhear violent episodes or experience the aftermath of such episodes.

4. They are often used by the batterer to coercively control the female parent. The intent is to continue the abuse of the adult victim without regard for the damage that 'being used' has on the child

"A child witnessing his mother being battered is ec~alent to the child being battered A witness to violence is a victim of violence." John Bradshaw.
Healing the Shame hat Binds You

Light Notes

    "The indoor adventures that trifocals lead you into are scary enough, but going outside with them adds new dimension to the terror. The first time I went outside with my new trifocals, I took a three-mile walk through the lobby of my ophthalmologist's building, climbed a five-foot curve, and then met an autograph seeker who happened to be giant a eye"